A Highland farmer was overseeing his animals in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW coupe appeared out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a white Armani suit, Ray Ban sunglasses, YSL tie, and Mediterranean tan, leans out the window and asks in a perfect Oxbridge accent, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Mac Book Air, links by wifi to his iPhone 5. He turns on his Garmin Nuvi sat nav to get an exact fix on his location, uploads his location to a NATO satellite which then creates a series of ultra-high-resolution images of the hillsides around him. Downloading the photos via a real time image enhancing facility in Hamburg, Germany, within seconds, he prints out the full-colour, 150 page report on his portable LaserJet printer. Taking off his Ray Bans, the young man unbuttons his Armani jacket and smiles to reveal two rows of perfect ultra-white teeth. Turning to the farmer he says, “You have 1,586 cows and calves.” “That’s right. Well then, I guess you can take one of my ‘calves’,” says the farmer. He watches the young man select one of the animals.
He looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the farmer says to the young man, “Now, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf and your sunglasses?” The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?” The farmer looks up, scratches his stubble, leans on his stick and says, “You’re one of those non-elected ‘special advisors’ to the Prime Minister working for one of them publically funded Quangos with offices in Westminster but living tax free in Brussels aren’t you?”, says the farmer. “Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess all that?” “No guessing was required” answered the farmer. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I don’t need to ask. And you really don’t know a thing about cows…this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my sheep dog.”
Continue reading →