Marriage, Cohabitation and Same Sex Relationships
Given the rather public controversy within the Church of England over same-sex
relationships, currently being debated in the press and highlighted by the appointment
of a new Bishop of Reading, I felt it appropriate to raise the issue through the
new style Connection which will go to the community in August.
I
would like to try and put the debate where it rightly belongs, within the wider
context of our understanding of marriage and the basis of our beliefs about right
and wrong. Anne
Atkins gave a very helpful ‘Thought
for the Day’ on BBC radio 4 recently. In it she made this observation:
“Scripture is not important enlightenment about God, but infallible revelation from Him. So we interpret our lives in the light of scripture, instead of the other way about. After all, valuing fact above experience is something we experience elsewhere. I don’t see the universe expanding, but scientists tell me it is. And I don’t feel like a sinner in need of repentance, but scripture says I am.”
”Prizing scripture above reason is also rational. If God exists, He
can surely speak. If He speaks, His words will endure. If they do, they won’t
appeal to the values of a shifting society. Nor necessarily be amenable to my
limited reason. Jesus described scripture as spoken by God. He submitted to it as authoritative
in His life… while the moral law is reiterated by His apostles and still shapes
our lives.”
I share her assumption that the Bible is the ‘maker’s instructions’. In it God gives us foundation principles for lasting and fulfilling relationships.
1. Marriage is Ordained by God
God created men and women in his
own image, male and female, and commanded them to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis
1:27-28). This is the one command we have had no trouble obeying. Genesis 2 goes
on to define God’s pattern: “For this reason (because we are male and female)
a man shall leave his father and mother (the family of his birth) and be united
with his wife (thereby forming, together with his wife, a new family) and they
will become one flesh (indissoluble) (Genesis 2:24).
2. Marriage is intended to be a Life-long Union between a Man
& Woman
Jesus stressed the permanence
of marriage with these words, “Therefore what God has joined together let no one
separate.” (Mark 10:9). The lifelong nature of marriage is conveyed by the well-known
words of the marriage vows, “till death us do part.”
3. Marriage Creates a New Family
When a man and woman are joined
in marriage they form something that is greater than themselves - they form a
new family with a new identity. God’s intention is to bless and enrich couples
through mutual comfort as they live together in faith and love. It is a new relationship
that all should honour, with trust and fidelity, forsaking all others. Jesus said, “so they (husband and wife) are no longer two but one.”
(Mark 10:8).
4. Marriage is a Public Relationship
The promises are made
before witnesses since marriage is a public event. This is so that the wider society
can acknowledge the couple’s intention is to live together for life. In the new
marriage service family and friends are invited to express their commitment to
the newly married couple and to do all in their power to uphold them in the new
life together. Details are recorded in a register that protects the legal rights
of both partners as well as future children.
5. Marriage is at the Heart of God’s Purposes for a Healthy
Society
God’s will is that sexual relations take place exclusively within marriage so
that children are born and nurtured within a secure family created by the marriage
of their parents.
Marriage or Cohabitation?
By contrast, cohabitation, which
is seen by many as an alternative to marriage, is a pale shadow of the very best
which God intends for all of us.
For example, the average length of cohabitation is about two years whereas the majority
of marriages (60%) are life-long. Couples who cohabit before marriage are twice
as likely to divorce as those who do not cohabit before marriage. A national survey
of sexual behaviour also found that, among married men, around 90% have been monogamous
during the last five years compared to only 43% of cohabiting men. Another survey
has shown that cohabiting women are four times more likely to have an abortion
than married women and six times more likely to attend a clinic for sexually transmitted
diseases. Anxiety and depression are also more common among cohabiting women than
among those who are married.
Same-Sex Relationships?
In June a group of leading Anglican
Bishops wrote an open letter expressing their concerns over the issue of same-sex
relationships. Their letter, with which I wholeheartedly concur, is copied below
in full:
Tuesday 17th June 2003, (Church Times; Church of England Newspaper)
From the Bishops of Bradford, Carlisle, Chester, Chichester, Exeter, Liverpool, Rochester, Southwell and Winchester, 16th June 2003
Dear
Sir,
The Church's understanding of scripture and of long-standing tradition
is that the proper place for sexual relationships is within marriage. This is
based on the order of Creation where men and women are seen as complementary.
Sexual intercourse, within the life-long relationship of marriage, is the sign
and beautiful expression of that union. Intercourse outside marriage undermines
the power of that sign.
Any departure from such fundamental teaching
must be viewed with grave concern, especially in the case of those who are ordained
and called to be examples to God's people.
It is because of such an understanding of human sexuality, that several bishops
of the Church of England, as well as many clergy and lay people, have been troubled
by the appointment of Dr. Jeffrey John as Bishop of Reading in the Diocese of Oxford.
Dr. John has many admirable qualities for the work of a bishop. But the issue is 'what is acceptable sexual behaviour in God's sight? By his own admission he has been in a same-sex relationship for twenty years. We value, of course, the gift of same-sex friendship and if this relationship is one of companionship and sexual abstinence, then, we rejoice. We warmly commend such relationships to the Church as a whole.
We are glad at the reassurances from the Bishop of Oxford that Jeffrey John's
life is now celibate. But it is the history of the relationship, as well as Dr.
John's severe criticism of orthodox teaching, which gives concern.
More widely, the appointment appears to prejudice the outcome of the Church's
reflection on these matters. We have been repeatedly assured that the House of
Bishops' position stated in Issues in Human Sexuality has not changed. A major
study guide to this document is to be published towards the end of this year.
It does not, we are assured, seek to change the Church's mind on the matter. Yet,
in view of his previous teaching, Dr. John's statement that he now stands by Issues
has to be received somewhat cautiously.
We must, therefore, express our concern because of the Church's constant teaching, in the light of Scripture and because of the basic ordering of men and women in creation. We must also express our concern because of our responsibility for the Church's unity, both in this country and throughout the world.
Yours
sincerely,
+David Bradford +Graham Carlisle
+Peter Cestr +John Cicestr
+Michael Exon + James Liverpool +Michael Roffen
+George Southwell, +Michael Winton
Accompanying notes
The purpose of the statement is to give encouragement to clergy and laity of orthodox persuasion that many bishops share their serious concern, and to do so without making any threats or demands.
The statement is supported by the following Suffragan Bishops:
James and I, along with many
hundreds of other concerned clergy and church leaders, have co-signed this letter
which will be presented to the General Synod of the Church of England later this
month.
The Right Revd Peter Jensen, Archbishop of Sydney has made the
following helpful comments this week:
So
this Anglican debate boils down essentially to the question of the authority Christians
give to Scripture, and they way they read it… the historic understanding of the
Christian faith, not just by Anglicans but by Christians throughout the world,
is caught well in the Lambeth Resolution for which ninety percent of the bishops
of the Anglican Communion voted in 1998. This Resolution 1:10 rejected "homosexual
practice as incompatible with Scripture" and further it stated that it "cannot
advise the legitimising or blessing of same sex unions nor ordaining those involved
in same gender unions".
Since Lambeth, the minority who vigorously opposed the Lambeth decision have worked with equal vigour to overturn it. In various places they have pushed the boundaries, seeking to break out and away from this Lambeth decision. Our Creator does have a view on sex and the expression of sexuality…
The
texts teach that God created men and women and blessed them in life-long, heterosexual
marriage. So important is the positive teaching that it is reinforced by the negatives
against all other forms of sexual activity outside this norm. This has always
been the plain meaning and reading of the Scripture and the historic understanding
of the Christian church.
This
teaching is stated positively in the opening chapters of the book of Genesis.
It is reaffirmed in the teaching of Jesus who specifically endorsed the statements
of those opening chapters. It is stated negatively in Jesus' strong words about
those who break up marriages. When the apostle Paul brought the message of God
to the non-Jewish world, various ritual and ceremonial practices were abolished,
but not the teaching related to marriage and sexual practices.
Obedience
to the word of God is not a theoretical or academic matter. It is a matter of
deepest obedience to the One who made us.
By the grace of God there is forgiveness for breaches of God's standards and divinely empowered strength to live chastely. But we fail God and we do no service to our fellow men and women by saying or implying that God's standards are other than they are, or that they are less than they are… Doubtless many things about modernity are different from antiquity, but our sexual make up and sexual drive are not among those differences. Whatever adaptations changing times may necessitate, changing God's standards of sexual behaviour is not among them.
Even
passing knowledge of the sexual mores of young people in western societies indicates
a potentially 'lost generation', lost because of a loss of moral compass. In a
way, the sexual behaviour of modern westerners resembles the promiscuity that
characterised much of the Roman world. Around us we see despair and purposelessness
among many of our younger contemporaries. We in the Christian churches serve them
best by telling them God's truth, with humility and love, but a love that is robust
and genuinely caring.
It
is in humility, not arrogance, that a Christian affirms to his or her sisters
or brothers that this is the way to please God. There should also be no doubt
that leaders in our churches should be above reproach and be those whose lives
exemplify the very biblical and Christian teaching that they are duty bound to
give."
If you would like to discuss
any of these issues personally please do not hesitate to contact James
or myself. I do recommend you visit an excellent website which explores the issue
further called True Freedom Trust
May God bless you and those you love,
Stephen Sizer
Copies of a leaflet providing a more detailed comparison between marriage and cohabitation is available from the Church corridor.